POSSESSION: The paradox of polyamorous abuse
"We can all be abusive" is an oversimplification of abuse. We are all capable of mistreating one another, but abuse is a consistent pattern of behavior that abusers purposefully engage in to gain and keep control.
Abuse in polyamorous relationships shouldn't surprise us. But the phrase "polyamorous abuse" almost reads like an oxymoron, at first. When practiced ethically, polyamory depends on consent and communication, both of which relate paradoxically to relationship abuse.
This can make understanding how and why a polyamorous relationship devolves into abuse particularly difficult. While many imperfect polyamorous people have caused unintentional harm, abuse is not characterized by the individual mistakes and moments of accidental harm all relationships are prone to.
Abuse is characterized by a context of coercive control. Abusers manipulate the most foundational aspects of relationships—truthful communication, authentic compromise, and reciprocal informed consent—to stealthily create a power system that robs their targets of autonomy and entraps them with the abuser.
Entrapment and polyamory, too, may seem contradictory. How can abusers entrap their targets in relationships that aren't even monogamous?
